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Showing posts from June, 2014

God Grant Me .........................................

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Dear People in The Arts Council,
Further to my myriad of phone calls, and your insistance on a CV  -
please find attached the abridged version of a Curriculim Vitae.



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I got my first job in 1984.
Well, the first one I am going to actually call a job, althoughI had been working for slave wages in the holidays for years, wrappinghot greasy potatoes in white paper saying salt & vinegar hun in a beach chipper,  for starving Dubs burnt to a crisp, buttering white bread and cutting it into 4 triangles to leave on the side of a fry on a blue striped plate for farmers before they went to the pub, and boiling a piranha to death making a stinking seafood chowder in the process, when I was in Colman Doyles petshop.

He moved me to the hardware after that where I sold Paraglow heaters, filled 5 gallon tanks of the stinking paraffin for Mrs Hayes, and rooted in filing c…

Godwin Osaysomemore

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The following is a screen shot of a private message received on a social networking site not entirely unlike facebook when I responded to a friend request.
Dec. 20th2013 @4.57 am
Thanks
March 4th 6.42 am
Hi
Morn
March 16th
Hi
Hello
March 20th
Hi
Hello
How are you

(Emoticon saying hi from me on March 24th)
Sup
Nada
Good morning
You looking good girl.

Its morning alright, but it is mid night
OK

Emoticon of a girl blowing bubbles around her head and very red cheeks.
HOW ARE YOU DOING
Fine and you
OK AM OK
ARE YOU MARRIED
IM IN NIGERIA
ND U
St Patrick is the patron saint of both our countries ................ no clue ? Ireland
OK DO YOU LIKE ME?
DO YOU LIKE ME?
DO You LIKE ME ??
Em how can i like you when we have not met or spoken. We each know nothing of the other ..........(said I as Jane Eyre. )
THAT’S TRUE
But ACTUALLY I LIKE YOU OK
My name is Godwin OSAYNOMORE
ND U
Hello
Are you there
Hello
My num is 080783564130
Am nt married yet
Can u married me????
I LOVE you.
Em ...........how can you love someone you’ve never met.
U…

The Bath

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The Bath
I had spotted the beautiful bath in a momentary superficial glance through an open door one day and as all the rooms are en suite, I pondered its function.
At that time Siobhan was walking by my side, then linked, later it was on a walking aid, and then later still, a wheelchair.
We would yet have to graduate to the Stephen Hawking recliner she lies sideways in now.
The bath reminded me of its presence even when the door was closed.
It called me from behind the wooden portal, promising benefits, and healing and therapy.
I never forgot that it was there.
Last week I passed it again and sought out a Nurse.
Whose leg do you have to hump to get a go in that bath?”
She agreed to put my request in the report that the Matron oversees each morning.
I was sitting with Little Thomasina when I got the call, and was both pleased and shocked, pleased at her speed in getting back to me, and shocked that I had to take the call with my Father sitting opposite.
The Matron is direct and straight.…

Piercy Shoes, Merry Lepper and the Mini -subtitled "The Tiny Long"

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Violet Stewart Louisa Piercy was the first broad to run a timed  Marathon.in 1926.
She was running by accident.
Due to a mix up in the paperwork, she had slipped through the net at theMEN only event
She ran it in 3 hours 40 minutes and 22 seconds and this record would hold for 37 years until a woman who rejoiced in the unusual moniker of Merry Lepper  merrily lepped her way home in 3 hours 37 minutes and 7 seconds.
I was not merrily lepping anywhere and felt I was on the bus by accident  myself.
They collected me from home at sparrow fart and brought me to the hotel on the N25 where everyone with a pair of legs abandoned their cars.
And then we got on the bus.
Me, and the women who were taking this seriously and had actually prepared and trained for this day.




I had done none of the above.
The only thing I had actually done was agree -  (in a state of madness)  - to participate, and to beg friend and foe alike to sponsor me to run, walk or crawl the required distance to get the paper…