I don't know much about Art, but I know what I like.

People be mental.
I don't know about you, but if I felt a weakness or a bit of a turn coming on,
 I would try to faint somewhere safe -  preferably onto a bed -
but if none presented in the immediate vicinity,  I would.........  oh you know
 -  totter my way  queasily to a seat,
 - feel my way to a wall and slide down it,
 - stagger through traffic to lie down on the path,
-  sit on an escalator and lie prone on my back at the top,
-  my fringe plastered to my forehead in a flop sweat.
I would not collapse onto a painting.
Especially and preferably not one worth a few bob.
Like about €10,000,000.
Yep, Ten Million bucks.
How do you even collapse onto a wall?
Surely, by the very nature of the fact that it was a painting,
AND  the only one of it's kind in the country by the celebrated artist Monet,
AND  mounted on a wall, presumably at eye level,
(maybe it is on the skirting board and is an installation piece for The Borrowers )
then it is a super-human piece of  physical engineering to hurl oneself at a painting,
or fall vertically onto it, unless you are about 9ft 4.
I don't think Andrew Shannon is a giant.
That's his name, folks.
He's a Dub.
The other premise is that he did it on purpose.
How angry do you have to be to punch a hole in a painting?
Not even  the one  in your hallway that you loathe that cost £2.99 in the Chinese Pound Shop.
Was it a momentary lapse?
 An uncontrollable rage all consuming and powerful, that left him frothing at the mouth in a perfect storm  of temper and anger, and as a critique on  the state of the Nation he had no option but to lash out and burst someone, or something.
He had to sustain that rage on the Dart on the way into town though.
The 29th of June was a beautiful day.
The sun shone from a cloudless blue sky and the temperature was 24 degrees at 10am.
Andrew combed his hair in the hall mirror and checked his keys and wallet were in his jeans and closed the door behind him quietly.
He was wandering around the museum at 11am.
For years he had been a French Polisher,
 painstakingly tending antique furniture,
stripping it back to bare wood,
sanding and varnishing,
 building up layers and layers of Patina,
seeing the grain come through the polish with a sense of pride and achievement.
He says it was his heart.
He says his hand did come into contact with the precious painting.
He was in the Millenium Wing of The National Gallery when he came over all unnecessary.
I don't know about you, but if I feel sick I don't run through the house to hurl on the best carpet.
I wouldn't go to a wealthy friends house and vomit into their Waterford Glass fruit bowl.
People normally try to avoid the good stuff when they are unwell.
They definitely do not fall forwards onto priceless paintings and put their fist through them.
Not unless they are Leslie Nielsen in Naked Gun.
In the quiet gallery space where I was once berated by a security guard for receiving a text, how did this happen?
The two tourists who were standing admiring the painting -
talking shite about the light,
and the use of  colour,
 the mastery of Monet and impressionism
 were rudely interrupted as one of our own crashed onto it.
They are from New Zealand and being used to grappling errant sheep,  leaped onto Mr Shannon (48) of Ongar as he lay in a heap on the floor.
In his defence he mentioned his sweaty forehead.
They all had a look.
They agreed he was sweating.
So would I have been if I had just caused 7 million euro worth of damage in a museum.
Right?
The Gardai and the Ambulance arrived at the same time.
They examined him in the Gallery,  in the ambulance,  in the casualty department,  in the Garda Barracks, and then back in the casualty department.
They all agreed his forehead was sweaty.
Other than that he was as right as the proverbial.
As fit as a flea.
Which is more than can be said for the Monet, which cannot be presented at court
(unlike most debutantes ) as it is too fragile.
The 2 Kiwi's were in the air flying halfway around the planet to give evidence.
Which surely predicates that they have something worth saying.
Or else what is the point
They told the court that they were standing beside the monet when your man came up.
Mick Williams, the Kiwi said it was completely deliberate.
 - "He had it planned, and it was clearly what he wanted to do, out of the side of me eye, I saw him lift his fist and put it through the painting.

“Then he said he  was feeling faint. I grabbed him straight after the event and he had his excuses already thought up ”  said Mr Williams.

He then pulled and hauled the accused into the middle of the room “so he couldn't do any more damage.”

“I didn't need to support him, he didn't collapse on the floor. He sat down and stayed upright, he didn't lean forward  gasping, white in the face as a person would if they were actually sick,  said Mr Williams, who should know about this kind of stuff as he has worked as a flight attendant.

Mr Williams' wife, Dr Toni Ashton, told the jury that Mr Shannon came out of nowhere with a fist like a hammer. 

“He lunged at it  with quite a lot of force in the body,” she said.

Dr  Ashton said Mr Shannon seemed completely  “out of it” and that he kept looking at the ground.

He  told them he had a heart condition and asked for some water, and indicated his sweaty forehead. 

They played the CCTV footage 8 times. It shows Mr Shannon entering the Millennium Wing of the National Gallery a few minutes before 11am and going up to the first floor.

He is carrying a yellow plastic bag.

Later,  a yellow plastic bag discovered at the scene by gardaí was found to contain a can of Nitromors paint stripper.

Just after 11am, Mr Shannon is pictured taking a quick look at a number of paintings.

He leaves the room for a minute, goes back in, walks around a few times and  then makes a run for the Monet.

He is then seen putting his right arm out in front of him and seemingy pretending to fall onto the painting before he is grabbed by a bystander.

Peter Judge, who is not the judge, but  a Security Attendant at the National Gallery, said he had been patrolling several rooms housing works by the great masters when he heard “a large bang” from Room 10 followed by visitors screaming and shouting.

“I saw a gentleman standing in front of Claude Monet and I said to him, 'Jesus, what have you done?' He said, 'I want to get out of here,” and I said, 'You're not going anywhere, bud'”

Mr Judge said Mr Shannon started “abusing” him and telling him he was getting pains in his chest and his feet. He told the accused, “You can't just walk out of here.”

Not on those feet apparently. 

And not with a sweaty forehead. 

Sean Rainbird, Director of the National Gallery of Ireland, said the Monet could be worth up to 40 million dollars in the states. 

The court also heard from Assistant Conservator Elline Von Monschaw, who is leading the team working to repair the painting, said the tearing was sharp and harsh and that he must have given it a right belt judging by the way it tore. 

7 women and 5 men have listened to his defence again today about his heart, and the sweat. 

They have another day of it tomorrow.

I can hardly wait.