Operation Headscarf and the Chocolate Chihuahua


Wearing a headscarf in the house
And so the transformation is complete.
I have morphed from Wildchild/Enfant terrible into a middle aged dowager/spinster 
- (who owns a tiny dog in a coat) -
and who  is wearing a headscarf in the house while sprinkling " Lily of The Valley" Shake n' Vac on the stairs. 
My neck is perished since I got the bob.
The stairs is in tatters since I got the dog.
There was a time when a barman would vault across the counter to close the door and pull down the blinds so I couldn't get in.
Oh Jasus, not Michelle Mahon  - he would say.
She is a tour de force -  he would say.
She will come in with an entourage, laughing and shouting and then she will drink bottles of beer like Mothers Milk, and change her mind, her drinks, her dress in the jacks and the company about 7 times in one night -
She will sing and dance on tables and refuse to leave without take outs and then try to buy another 2 rounds, and get cash back on a laser -
She will cause mayhem looking for tokens and change for the fag machine and then she will invite the whole pub back to her house for a session, and they will ALL want off sales too, AND change for fags, and packets of skins. and then They will all come back in the morning demented for the curer, oh no, just NO ! -  he would say. 
Those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end, we'd sing and dance for ever and a day ........
I digress.
I am preparing the house for visitors.

A giant with piercings and tattoos who looks like he should be the drummer with Linkin Park will be holding in his arms a miniature female version of the bowld Walter Eugene Charlie Mincealot Fupping Baxter the 3rd who rejoices in the moniker of Chica (bom Bica stick a leeka fi feeka) and they have an assignation/tryst/appointment in the tiny yard with the weeds and slugs booked for 11am.
Will I just heat it up a bit? says the waitress today indicating my coffee cup.
As the Bishop said to the actress I retorted while the woman in the cast sprayed red onion onto her newspaper.
I cannot wait to see the shenanigans which either makes me a voyeur or a very good freelancer, always looking for a paper scoop,  a pooper scooper, or a super paper.
There may even be scoops being dispensed tomorrow night if the covering goes well -
ah why not, I can leave that old lady smell of lily on the valley on the stairs for another night. ps don't tell the Fitty Pound Guy. 
Exhausted from flirting W.E.M.F.Baxter eats chocolate.
It's nearly time.
If you are parking around the churches and see a man with a shaved head and a ZZtop beard carrying a tiny dog, then let him in, for the love of God. Let him in. 
I have picked up the white dog poo, the bodies of the crushed snails and a disintegrating mat and have swept a corner for the coitus to occur.
Romantic much~
Walter and Chica sittin' in a tree .........

Watch this space 

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